Title: Almost Free
Author: Me, Ezra T
Fandom: C.S.I. Miami
Pairing: Eric/Ryan (unrequited)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but the plot and personalities are mine.
Summary: Accepting is allowing yourself to let go, to finally begin the long trek to freedom.
Warnings: Very light hint of slash
Authors Note: Written in 2008 (today in fact).
This is the long awaited sequel to Into Something I could touch
. I've decided to write these by using the verses to the song. So I'm happy to say that there may be two or so more installments to this, but I am sad to say that it may not end with a happily ever after fairytale ending for our boys.---
I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off without you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
Now thats ok, let them stop and stare...
'Cus I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free...
Free - Maria Mena
When Ryan woke this morning it was with a feeling of lightness, as if parts and pieces of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. And when he looked into the mirror he was met with swollen eyes and an understanding smile. He was almost there. Today was a new day and he knew that the confrontation that he had had with Eric just hours earlier had some how freed him of those restraints that he had placed upon himself. Somehow telling Eric what he had had helped him to let Eric go a little, he was slowly but surly getting his heart back and putting himself back together again.
When he got to work he could tell people had noticed that something was different with him. He walked with a purpose, his head was held high and his back was straight. There was no more hunching over, no more trying to hide from the people he should very well be getting along with. He smiled, he talked, he laughed. Ryan Wolfe was on the verge of becoming a new man, no one knew why but they accepted it. This was a Ryan that they could grow to like. Ryan didn't go out of his way to avoid Eric, the old Ryan, the Ryan from the night before probably would have but not this Ryan. He let fate run it's course and when he bumped into Eric he knew his eyes spoke a message. They said he was better off with out him, that he
better off with out him, and when he saw that Eric had got the message Ryan just smiled a little smile and kept on walking. He ignored the ache in his chest and the slight stinging in his eyes.
Ryan knew from the very beginning that if he was ever to get over Eric Delko then it would take drastic actions. After all, Eric wasn't someone that people could just get over. Eric had a way of coming off as sweet and kind while being sexy and mouth watering. Ryan knew from the beginning that Eric Delko would be a hard man to get over and even after feeling like a new man it still hurt to see Him and he felt foolish for thinking he was strong enough to endure it. After all he had only just told Eric how he had felt.
He couldn't wait to clock out. To leave Eric and work behind. He decided to walk home instead of drive and just decided to take a cab to work in the morning. He thought as he walked. He thought of all the missed chances. Of all the things that both his and Eric's pride has lost them. He imagined all the kisses and the small touches. He pretended to see the secret looks and hear those whispered words. He stopped to cry because it all was so over whelming. he thought of what he was losing and what he was giving up and he didn't care that he was being stared at. He had to do this for himself. He needed to let go of what ever was still tying him to Eric, to a man who had never shared his feelings.
When Ryan finally got home it was late. He didn't even bother to shed his clothes before he fell into the bed. He was so exhausted, both mentally and emotionally. He curled into himself, brang his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He put his head to his knees and cried for what felt like the hundredth time. He was hopeless. He would forever be hopeless when it came to his feelings. His heart would forever win over his mind, and he accepted that now. He wasn't perfect. His OCD, funny as it seemed, ensured that and his non existent social skills, which seemed to have gotten him in this predicament in the first place, only seemed to drive the nail in deeper. He accepted that as well. And by accepting himself for what he was, for accepting all of this for what it
was he somehow felt just a little bit freer. And as salty as his tears tasted he knew they couldn't spill for forever and that was comforting because that meant he wouldn't cry for Eric forever. He was almost free.-End Part 2-