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Into Something I could touch ...(pt 1 in the Free series)

Title: Into Something I Could Touch
Author: Me, Ezra T
Fandom: CSI Miami
Pairing: Eric/Ryan (unrequited)
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but the plot and personalities are mine.
Summary: Some times you just need to let it all loose.
Warnings: Very light hint of slash
Authors Note: Written in 2007.


I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
But you`ve made pain into something I could touch
Free - Maria Mena

Into Something I could Touch

You don't know what your doing here. How you wound up in front of this grave. You had only meant to go for a short walk, clear your head. Today you had finally wrapped up an extra hard case and you were happy to finally be done with it, but your happiness didn't last for long did it? From the moment you had stepped into the lab you knew that it was going to be one of those days. Eric was snappier than usual, nearly taking your eye out in the locker room, Calleigh was quieter, her smile even less dim then what even you were used too, Horatio was even more distant (if that was possible) and poor Alexx had just a little more dose of sadness in her brown eyes. It wasn't until you were walking out of the lab at the end of your shift that you saw the calendar.

Today was the day Tim had died.

You guess that it really hit you then just how much of an outcast you really were. Everyone was mourning a dead man and yet you didn't even know that today had been his death day. You couldn't help but wonder at how they all could do it. Come to work on a day like this. You admired them all the more for it.

You look down at the tombstone right in front of you and sigh. 'Why did I come here?' you think to yourself, 'At a time like this?'. Footsteps bring you out of your daze, and you tense your back and wince at the voice that greets you.

"What the hell are you doing here Wolfe?"

Eric Delko. Your number one antagonist. The one who always found fault in your work, always had a snide comment on the ready, never missed a chance to remind you that you were just no Speed...No Tim.
Eric Delko... Tim's best friend... The man you loved.

"I couldn't sleep."

You said it as if it answered everything. And maybe it did because before you knew it Eric was right there next to you. Shoulders loose, face relaxed. You could see all his emotions, there on his face and, maybe, just maybe, you thought, that he would open up to you and- no. Just as quickly as he was relaxed he was tense, voice tight.

"Yeah, but what are you doing here? You didn't know him Wolfe, you have no right-" and that was it.

That was the last straw. He was right. What where you doing there? You could never be Tim, you never really met him, at least not really. You didn't belong and here was Delko once again throwing it in your face. You knew. You understood. And you accepted it long ago. But to have him remind you here. Here of all places. In front of Tim's grave. In front of the man you never knew but greatly admired. This was too much. All of it. And you let it show. You exploded, let loose all that pent up anger and pain and just let it out.

"Yeah, and so what! Sure I never knew him! I never met him! I still knew he was great though. Come on Delko you never let me forget it! But I know it okay! I don't belong. I'm not wanted. I'll never be Tim. But Jesus Eric I never wanted to be Tim, I never tried to be him but your so delusional, so caught up in your own grief you don't even see that there's other people around you! Hurting just as much as you are! Or wanting to protect you! Or love you! Just-"

Here you cut off, calm your breath and get yourself back under control. You continue, voice stronger and you look him in the eye before continuing.

"Just grow up Eric, grow up."

And it's not until your walking away that you realize that your crying. And it's fitting some how that it would be Eric to break the dam. To make you explode. To tear down your carefully constructed walls.
After all, he was always the one who made pain into something you could touch.


Part Two in the series can be found here--->Almost Free


No ryan don't cry. You're gonna make me cry!

Hey aren't you the one who put up the challenge cause you say you're stories always come out wrong? You're such a liar! Come out wrong my butt. This one was sooo very far from coming out wrong.


Oh wow.
Um, thanks?
I dunno, I just don't feel they come out the way that I hope.
I have one picture in my head but when I start to write it just doesn't fall into place like it's suppose to.
I'm happy you like this one though.
And yes I did put up the challenge.
I was really hoping more people would take to it but alas only one person did.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm thankful to that one person, but I had still hoped...
I mean it was a good idea right?
Oh well, what ever.
Thanks for the comment.
I really appreciate it.

Re: <3

I think it was a good idea! I can't wait for the next chapter in that story. I would have tried it too but exams plus my story that im trying to do which is not good for the whole exam thing but anyway... Yeah I know what you mean when you say they come out wrong now. I spent a frikkin month on my first story trying to get it right because it was never how I wanted it until I just had to post it and get it over with. The point is I'm sorry if I sounded a little aggressive in my original comment.

i knew it!

i knew you were going to make eric and ryan fall in love. from now on i'm going to watch them very closly so i can see the moments that they have that you see.hey you gotta read my newest posts that i put up. later!

Re: i knew it!

He he, yeah you better!
I'm telling you it's there.
I mean after all I'm not the only person that sees it.
Which means either I (and all the other people that see)am crazy and are seeing only what we want to see or you and everyone else is just blind!
Yeah, so go watch.
I'm telling you, Eric and Ryan have moments.
Don't worry, I'll read your poems and comment them.
= ]
By the way Eric and Ryan aren't in love in this story.
Only Ryan is.
Unless I decide to make a sequel later on.
I dunno.
For the compliment.
Sequel? Did I hear the word "sequel"? You should, really. I think this was so good, and I'd like to know what Eric's reaction is to what Ryan just said.
He he, yes you did hear the word sequel.
= ]
I can't promise that it'll get any better for Ryan after this though because I'm not to sure how it'll turn out.
If I do write it though it'll be from Eric's P.O.V.
I'm just not too sure where the setting will take place either.
So I guess that I'll be just as surprised as the rest of you guys when I post if...If I post it...If I even write it because really I'm psyching myself out.
I rather like writing the same scene from two different points of view. It can often be so different that it's almost a separate fic. You could try that. *pokes bunnies* ;-)
Good news!
My muse came to me last night!
It was around twelve and I was getting ready for bed when I had just started thinking, and the next thing I know I was tearing up my room looking for my spiral.
But the point is is that I have a sequel written...Or at least the first chapter to the sequel because the way I ended it almost demands another chapter.
So the sequel probably will be three or four chapters.
I'll post it when I'm done.
Jolly good! *looks forward to multi-chaptered sequel* ^_^
*hugs Ryan* Loved it (poor baby, Eric can be an ass sometimes but we all want them together anyway lol!). Oh, I want a sequel too! Pretty please?
He he, the sequel is in the works.
Some people seem to think that they have a monopoly on grief. Poor Ryan... Maybe Eric would grow up after this. Oh, and I like how you used the title as the last line. =)
That's actually something I do a lot.
Use the title as my last line.